Part of the Blogging A to Z Challenge. I’m blogging for one month a post every day except Sundays during April thematically from A to Z. Find out more here.
Cancer. Something that struck and faded away for eight years. It returned as cancer can do.
A curse that steals.
A gift of time.
Bittersweet in its taking and giving.
To watch a vibrant, passionate force that once blazed a path with sunshine and laughter, fade away. To care for a failing loved one in ways you never thought you could. And to do it with love. Carrying them on their journey. As they once carried you.
To let go of the barriers that rose high between you and them. It no longer matters. Resentments and anger stripped away. Peace, acceptance, and grace left behind. Blessed to have shared in this wondrous life’s exploration.
To watch them suffer. To pray for them to go. And in their suffering, you’re eased into saying goodbye as you leave them behind.
To listen as a heartbeat celexa grows slower. To touch a hand that can no longer grasp. To close your eyes and listen to breaths grow fainter, like slow waves rolling to shore. A shore you cannot see. Moving towards another place. Closer to heaven.
Cancer. A thief unseen. It gives and takes. You must greedily take from all it gives. Its everlasting gift is to give you the longest goodbye. And then it takes for the last time.
And in that final taking I was able to speak my last words to you. “Mom, you loved me with a never-failing love. You gave me strength and sweet security. And then you did the hardest thing of all; you let me go and set me free. Every day I try to be a mother like the mom you were to me.”
The hardest thing to do.
The most tender thing to do.
Is to let them go and set them free.
And to say goodbye to your mother, forever.
Pamela Skjolsvik says
This is such a beautiful tribute to your mother. This totally made me tear up.
Pam, I’m glad it touched you.
Kathryn Craft says
I’m with Pam on this, Donna. Lovely.
I lost my mother to ovarian cancer. You have said what I have felt.
Wendy, so sorry for you loss and I can empathize indeed.
The Hopeful Romantic says
That was so beautiful and the emotion was just intense. Having dealt with my mother battling it about ten years ago, I’ve often said that cancer isn’t something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy . I’m sorry for your loss.
The Hopeful Romantic says
That was so beautiful and the emotion was just intense. Having dealt with my mother battling it about ten years ago, I’ve often said that cancer isn’t something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy . IU’m sorry for your loss.
I’m glad it touched you and sorry you had to go through the same thing with your mother
What a lovely post on a difficult topic. I found you on the A to Z Challenge, and I will definitely be back to read more of your writing.
My mom is battling stage 4 breast cancer right now (has been 2 years now) and I can relate to what you wrote.
Stop over at my site too if you get a chance. 🙂 I write humor.
MOV, I am sorry to hear you are in that battle right now with your mother. Enjoy your time with her. Time really is a gift. I did a video memoir of my mother – shot 4 hours of tape. Interviewed her life. What wonderful and funny stories I have now to see her alive again before me. I recommend doing one, if you can
Diane Castle says
Powerful. I am weeping, because I, too, lost my mother to cancer. Even though it was 15 years ago, sometimes it still feels like yesterday. So sorry for your loss.
Diane, I understand. Sorry for you too. Its hard to find your place in the world again without your mother. Its been 3 years for me this month and the memory never fades of those last days. Indeed, it can feel like yesterday. And sometimes I’m glad as I dont want to forget, I want to remember.
Twins Happen says
Wow. You have a gift for words my dear and brought tears to my eyes with the power of this post. I am stopping by from the A to Z Challenge and I thank you for sharing. So very poignant.
Oh I am so sorry. My teenaged daughter had cancer…after 2 1/2 years of daily chemo she is alive and well…but that C word will haunt us forever. We lost too many little friends we met along the way.
M, so sorry to hear of your teenage daughter. A terrible thing to have to watch a child go through this but I am so glad for you that she is alive and doing well. That is a victory!
Donna B. McNicol (@DonnaBMcNicol) says
Beautiful tribute to your mom….I love my husband of almost 20 years to cancer in 2004. Your words tore at my heart, I understood.
Donna, thanks for sharing and I can understand your pain. Time cannot take it away…or the years missed with a loved one
Having lost some of my most beloved people to cancer, this post made me tear up.
Look forward to your challenge run…
–Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012